Update: I am alive

I just spent a blissful two weeks without substantive work. I also did not write a blasted thing. I did not tweet for two weeks; and only checked email and posted to Facebook sporadically.

I just needed to relax, as much as is possible over the holidays.

Now as I re-emerge, I have Arisia right around the corner--yikes! I still have a ton of reading I want to do for that. (My tentative schedule is at: http://2011.arisia.org/Bios2011).

Also, several work deadlines are staring me down the barrel of a rifle. And I really need need to chug out some more novel content.

Oh, and I have "Part Deux" of "Finding God..." in Draft here in this blog. It's been sitting there for over two weeks. I'll post it soon. Really.

In other news, the Hunger Games series absolutely rocks. Kudos to Suzanne Collins. Read it if you haven't done so yet.

Also waiting for The Wise Man's Fear from Pat Rothfuss. And I'm beginning to tap my foot.

Happy New Year All...

Love, Me

Say goodbye to another perfectly good decade

We of the Roman Calendar are about to say "goodbye" to the 2000s. I remember 2000 very distinctly. Remember the hysteria? What a thankful let-down that was. In 2000 I welcomed Ethan into my life. In 2000 I was horrified to welcome George W. Bush into my life. In 2002 we moved into our house in Norfolk, where we still reside. In 2001 was 9/11 and the world changed. In 2004 we welcomed Asherah. By this time my parents divorced, irrevocably altering my view of family, and what people are and are not capable of; and how they can change. It was a decade of highs and lows containing the most heart-wrenching lows, and glorious highs.

I am glad it's over.

During this time I lost myself. I suffered a traumatic birthing experience with Ethan, resulting PTSD that manifested as Post-partum depression, and had a year of living hell. I promised myself during that time to speak of this when it was warranted, to de-mystify this illness and help others recognize it and feel less shame if they have or have had it. So there.

During this time I gained a lot of weight, which I now realize was largely a way to insulate myself. To lose myself. Melting away those pounds this past year has been quite a journey. I've had to face myself once again stripped of those layers of security; readjust to being viewed as a "normal" person (weight-wise, in society's eyes) and generally face a lot of internal crap that wasn't too pleasant to face. But here I am.

I've realized more clearly who I am. What I want. What I believe in, and what I'll fight for. I've realized that there are some people who just don't "get" me. That the neat, cozy little community I've created for myself--which is so "normal" for me--is pretty outside the mainstream in many respects. I think this scares people. I've realized that rejection can still hurt; that even when you wear your difference like armour, proudly, there are still some seams in it; and you can still get wounded.

I've also realized that ultimately, this doesn't matter. If you are living your life as you believe it should be lived, and being a good person who is trying to make the world a better place, that's better than most of humanity is doing.

I look forward to the next decade. Do you? I think this will be the decade that I "become" the professional writer I want to be. I will see my son off to college before the decade is up. I will certainly be saying "goodbye" to some loved ones who will have lived long lives. Ari will still be steadfastly by my side; my best friend, my partner in scifi and general geekdom. He will no doubt be continuing to drive me batty every winter, and continue to never surprise me with any gifts :-) Asherah will be a teenager, and if she were truly to "rebel" I suppose that could mean she will be a conservative preppy studying to be a nun. Although Ari is convinced she'll get a tattoo and ride a motorcycle.

Time will tell.

Happy end of decade to you and yours!